Healing Crisis

  

photo by Emma Simpson on Unsplash.com

There is always a chance to have light at the end of the tunnel. 

I love the way that things can change so quickly. In a heartbeat.

Or not.

I've realised that in coping for 50 years with a really difficult physical condition, being brave, putting on a coping face, keeping going through physical exhaustion, being nice when I shouldn't have been so accommodating.... all of these sort of things, sooner or later, all of the repressed feelings about all of this, come to the surface, and one simply has to cope with them.

Seriously, I should have known. Because I do know about this. Omg, it was decades ago when I went through a big purge on this level: mentally and emotionally. For years, day in, day out, 24/7. On the spiritual level. During intense Ashram years. Never to be forgotten, I can assure you.

highly beneficial healing journey to hell and back

And a five month period, over six years ago,  going through weekly Romiromi (Maori healing) with a Tohunga for clearing out the mental and emotional "stuff" from some majorly serious-and-not-at-all-good stuff that had happened in my life, and also very deep DNA stuff handed down through the ancestral lines (whakapapa). Which was even more of a helleva clean out. I can never fully describe it. I really don't think that I could have gone deeper into my psyche during this time. Different from the spirituality of yoga. 

I went down to what felt like a molecular level in healing. I recall the Tohunga being quite concerned about me. We were going along with it all, going deeper and deeper. I was taking a class when I felt a tremendous build up of energy in the bottom of my torso, from the waist downwards. Now, this was not kundalini, which is also a tremendous build up of energy just before it's released. When I felt this build up, then release of the energy (whilst acting as though nothing was wrong, while taking the class 😆), I knew that I was going to get very sick. I just knew. You can't have such a release and have everything hunky-dory. It doesn't work like that. I had a very real healing crisis. A major one. (actually, lucky me, to be honest. I am very grateful to Mr Tohunga)

And I did. For three weeks, I felt as though I was hanging on by a thread. I had a temperature. I shook, could barely walk, was unsteady on my feet. I felt as though layers upon layers of stuff covering my whole being, were being stripped off me. 

Won't ever forget that, either. Never. My yoga training kept me going. I knew how to hold onto even just one tiny thread of consciousness, to enable me to get through it all. 

And, of course, ironically, this is what I now do for others, in healing. Such a privilege.

lightbulb moment 

But...  back to moi and the suppressed anguish of. It has been coming and going, ebbing and flowing, just like anything in life. It took me a while to realise what actually was going on. I mean, I was just being busy in my life and wondering what the heck was going on. And this is totally separate from the consciousness cleanout of decades ago, and has absolutely nothing to do with my healing journey from Mr Tohunga. It's quite different. 

meditation is not a cure-all

Does it mean that life is always going to be like this? Up and down? Of course not. But it is what happens. I found out that meditation does not cure everything. Not at all. But it can give an inner equanimity that enables us to sail a lot easier through life. An inner stillness amongst the chaos that can happen around oneself, at times. Even so, we are still affected by "things that happen". Of course. Everyone is.

How we live our life matters far more than whether we meditate or not, to be honest. I've known some horrible people who meditated. But what were they actually doing? (one of the Universe's mysteries, here) I've often wondered. And many wonderful, kind, insightful people who do not meditate as a way of life.

a useful secret

But, back to the heartbeat. Our minds, and emotional and cellular memory, can recall how we were at particular times in life. One of my "secrets" for coping with the disorder going on in my body, and the things that happen to and around one, in our life's journey, was memory. If you can recall a time when you were well, happy, and relive those feelings in your heart (manawa), mind (hinegaro), feelings (karekau) and body (tinana) and just sit with this for a moment or so, in a heartbeat, you will have pulled yourself out of angst. Even if it's just one of these aspects, it will help. Try it sometime and see.

It is also one of the practices that I used to keep going through unbelievable ill health.

do you have any tips like this? I'd love to know.